Post Summary: 2020 Funny National Park Reviews
Here are National Park Obsessed, we love our national parks (even ones we want to be demoted from a National Park to a National Memorials). We are well aware that not everyone shares our love of the parks. As a close friend once said, “Camping, you mean sleep on the ground. Thanks but no thanks.”
I might not agree with my friend but she is entitled to her opinion. She also knows herself and isn’t going to waste her time driving hours to visit a National Park that she isn’t interested in. If she did, she wouldn’t bother to head to a review site and leave a written opinion on the state. If the reviews on TripAdvisor and Yelp are anything to go by PEOPLE DO THIS.
I came up with this idea for collecting ALL the funny reviews while doing some research for a road trip and suddenly found myself going down a rabbit hole and reading the reviews of the national parks. I have scoured the reviews of all 63 national parks and found the greatest of the 1-star and 2-star reviews on TripAdvisor and Yelp.
I reviewed hundreds of reviews on Trip Advisor and Yelp. Thankfully, every park holds a 4 star or higher rating. While every park had a few negative reviews, not every park had a review I found funny or ridiculous. I did notice that most of the negative reviews fell into a few categories (and a lot of crossovers) – weather, traffic, overcrowding, fees, closures, didn’t like the rules, rude staff, and new for 2020 COVID restrictions/lack of enforcement of COVID restrictions.
I fully understand how anyone of these issues can put a damper on your national park visit. Trust me I know. Imagine planning to summit Longs Peak in Rocky Moutain National Park, the weather is supposed to be clear for two days. You are three-fourths of the way to the summit when you see the thunderstorm rolling in. Add in it’s your second attempt to summit this mountain. It sucked to put all that planning and work in and get weathered off the mountain (for a second time). Been there, done that.
I suspect that many park visitors are not aware that the National Parks has 11.6 billion dollars of deferred maintenance. Deferred maintenance is repairs or maintenance on roads, buildings, utility systems, and other structures and facilities across the National Park System that have been postponed for more than a year due to budget constraints. This comes out to about 27.8 million dollars per NPS unit. The 11.6 doesn’t include any improvements NPS would like to make visiting the parks easier, more accessible, or to better deal with the masses.
Related: 5 Unpopular Suggestions to Fund our National Parks
The biggest complaint I read in terms of park entrance fees was that they charge a fee. The fees help fund the parks. NPS gets about 3 billion a year from the federal government. They are about 4 years of funding behind on maintenance. Every dollar NPS collect in the entrance fee is important to maintain the parks. It does suck that you have to pay $30 to visit the Grand Canyon for an hour or for seven days. Imagine if NPS had to spend their time checking if your pass is valid. It would be a pain and slow the entrance station down even more. One fee for all is just easier to manage.
In the last 5 years, national park visitation has grown massively. Many of the roads and infrastructure in our parks are not designed to handle the huge numbers of tourists. Many of the parks were developed 25 to 75 years ago. No one imagined that park visitation would be what it is today. It is a problem. Park Service knows it’s a problem. They face the issue that they have to balance protecting the environment while allowing the public to visit the parks. It is not easy for them to just cut down a few trees and build a massive parking lot.
Now add in that parks like Yellowstone have a very limited window to perform any and all major building projects. You cannot do construction such as road work during freezing weather. They can only do construction during the summer which just happens to coincide with the park’s busy season. They have no choice. Park Service does its best.
Now as for the rude employees. Imagine if you had to deal with thousands of people complaining about the lack of parking, road construction, and the weather. I am sure it gets old. That does excuse them from being rude but it does make it a little more understandable when you realize what they going thru.
I can understand all of the issues above and completely agree that they are valid complaints. Reviews are meant to share your personal experience and I fully support sharing your experience. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to chuckle at your opinion. Here are the funniest national park reviews I could find ***.
*** I suspect that more than one of these reviews was written for laughs and isn’t a serious review of the park.
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- The Funniest National Park Reviews of 2020
- Funny National Park Reviews from before 2020
- Arches National Park
- Badlands National Park
- Big Bend National Park
- Biscayne National Park
- Bryce Canyon National Park
- Canyonlands National Park
- Capitol Reef National Park
- Carlsbad Caverns National Park
- Channel Islands National Park
- Cuyahoga Valley National Park
- Congaree National Park
- Crater Lake National Park
- Denali National Park
- Death Valley National Park
- Dry Tortugas National Park
- Everglades National Park
- Gateway Arch National Park
- Glacier National Park
- Grand Canyon National Park
- Guadalupe Mountains National Park
- Haleakalā National Park
- Hawaii Volcanoes National Park
- Hot Springs National Park
- Hot Springs National Park
- Joshua Tree National Park
- Kenai Fjords National Park
- Kings Canyon National Park
- Lassen Volcanic National Park
- Mammoth Cave National Park
- Mesa Verde National Park
- Mount Rainier National Park
- Olympic National Park
- Petrified Forest National Park
- Rocky Mountain National Park
- Shenandoah National Park
- Sequoia National Park
- Theodore Roosevelt National Park
- White Sands National Park
- Yellowstone National Park
- Virgin Islands National Park
- Yosemite National Park
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The Funniest National Park Reviews of 2020
Arches National Park
More arches, please. Honestly, I thought there’d be more arches. Like, arches as far as the eye could see. It’s called ARCHES National Park. Are there formations as far as the eye can see? Sure. But then call it Formations National Park. Or A Few Arches Scattered Over Thousands of Acres National Park. Don’t come expecting every arch to look like the one on the license plate, because it’s one of the few that’s impressive. This place gets one star because the name is seriously misleading.
Biscayne National Park
This was the Worst National Park experience I’ve ever had. First, the boat ride out was soaking wet. We couldn’t look around because the sea spray was so intense we had to keep our heads down. Then when we got to Boca Chita, it was Party Central, filled with yachts blaring music and loud, drunken people. Yes, the lighthouse was interesting—but mostly because it was “a fancy lawn ornament,” in the words of our guide. It is not now nor has ever been a functioning lighthouse. The bridge for the trail was put, so there was nothing to explore beyond the yachts. I’ve never before wanted less time at a park, but I couldn’t wait to leave. Terrible experience and I’ll never go back under any circumstances!!
Its a beautiful, the only problem is you will get bitten by mosquito’s, We docked out boat for 5 minutes to use the rest rooms and his those five minutes we got bitten so many times. There was no mosquito spray to help, there immune to it.
Congaree National Park
Worst National Park experience ever. We decided to take a nice 4 mile hike which turned into a hellscape after we left the boardwalk portion. There were literally spiders everywhere, one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Never again. But it’s marked off the list.
Grand Canyon National Park
It’s a giant ditch. When do we find out that it’s truthfully an old time excavation project from thousands of years ago?
Joshua Tree National Park
This will be short and sweet.
Welcome to Joshua Tree! I hope you like rocks.
I looked through my husband’s 100 or so photos he took during our little excursion.They are about all the same. Just rocks. A few cacti. Lots of dust.
Despite there being a long line of cars to get into the park, we were waived right through and didn’t have to even pay. My elation from a free admission quickly faded when I saw the tsunami of rocks as far as the eye could see. We entered the park and I started to yawn in the backseat. Hubby said I actually “melted” into the back of the car from sheer boredom. I napped for a couple of hours while he and our friends explored rocks and took pictures.
This place was so boring. If I was a poopologist, I would study this poophole of a park. I really wonder how it became a national park. Really makes me wonder how low the standards are.
Theodore Roosevelt National Park
Was hoping for more. One star for the one buffalo I saw and the wild horses looked just like regular horses.
Yellowstone National Park
I got stuck in a two hour traffic jam all because there were elk off in the distance. It was late, all I wanted to do was get back to the hamlet of West Yellowstone to get dinner before everything closed. During the jam, 4 cop cars drove past going the other direction. They didn’t seem to care at all that cars were backed up for like 10 miles! I just couldn’t believe that these rangers let the elk do this! Lazy government employees.
And did I mention the smell? Everywhere you go, there’s this lingering smell of rotten eggs. You’d think for the $35 entrance fee the park people could install some airwicks or something. Honestly, this place is just too far off the beaten path, and once you get there just SO busy. Next time I want to go see nature I think I’ll stay closer to home and go to the Joshua Tree. Now THERE is a park!
Yosemite National Park
When you go to this park, you feel like entering a prison. “You can’t park here” ” You can’t poop here”, “You need a permit to walk on this trail”, ” You can’t sleep at this camping spot” “You can’t park here, there, anywhere. Parking lots are to look at.” Not worthy. Beautiful nature but commercial park.
Funny National Park Reviews from before 2020
Arches National Park
“Delicate arch looks like it might fall over at any time. It might fall over in the future. Doesn’t look anything like the license plate.”
“This park was extremely underwhelming. I went in with low expectations ready to see a couple rocks with holes, instead what I saw where many stone pillars that resembled circumcised donkey dicks. Over all has some pretty nice rocks though take the kids!”
The park is just the ruin of potholes which were eroded in time. I didn’t understand why people treat them and go to them like a sort of pilgrimage.
Badlands National Park
“So we left yellowstone at midnight and drove overnight straight to badlands. When we arrived my comment was “this is it?”. Badlands is basically washed out hills of 50,000 year old mud. You have vast grasslands on one side, and old mud on the other. And the mud wasn’t even differently colored layers or have any other redeeming qualities. It was brown.“
“I didn’t see what the big deal was. We drove a million years to see some semi impressive rock formations? And there were RATTLESNAKES everywhere? Dumb. You lose cell service because you’re in Nowhere USA. The only thing bad about these lands is entire experience. Waste of time. Thank god I was drunk in the backseat for the majority of the trip.”
Big Bend National Park
My girlfriend and I decided to drive all the way accross Texas overnight to get there right as the visitor center in the Chisos Basin was opening to get backcountry permits since it was the first one to open and we wanted to get some good campsites. When we arrived, we were told they were not issuing permits there because they didn’t have any gas or electricity. They didn’t expect to get any electricity for at least half a week. Have you ever camped with a woman for half a week where there is no available warm running water anywhere? They start to stink. And complain. And to top it off we never got to see any bears or mountain lions. You’d think with a park that size and such low populations of those critters they could train them to hang out 100 yards or so from the trails and stuff, but apparently our government is too incompetent to even pull off some basic services. Thanks a lot Obama.
Biscayne National Park
This National Park was highly recommended to us, but didn’t have a whole lot. It would be nice if they expanded some of the land-based and cold-weather activities. There is a boardwalk where you can walk out through some mangroves, mostly where people go fishing. Some educational signs but few exhibits. Not even much scenery. We saw a couple kinds of fish, but mostly murky water.
Bryce Canyon National Park
We left Zion early to make sure we saw Bryce – that was a mistake. Bryce is not nearly as interesting or spectacular. At Bryce you feel like you are seeing the same rocks from 20 different angles.
I never got to see anything, as the road within the park is not at all revealing to the presence of anything but trees. As a result, I opted not to drive any farther in the direction of a National Park. We skipped Zion and the Grand Canyon because this was the worst experience I’ve ever had in a park, the grand finale of bad experiences in a week of trying to tour the ones in Utah.
Canyonlands National Park
I was underwhelmed by this park. It was nothing like the Grand Canyon, with darkish colored stone layers, vs the red rocks almost everywhere in southern Utah and Arizona. Maybe if we had taken a hike, we would have glimpsed more beauty close up.
Yes, it is gorgeous and amazing, but there are NO services except for the Visitors Center (or at least none that I saw) — so $30.00 for just a breathtaking view? Yes, I know that the admission covers the upkeep of the park, but personally, I don’t think it is worth the $30 price, as there is nothing to do except look.
Capitol Reef National Park
There are almost nothing fun in the park. An elementary school closed in 1940s can be labeled as a place of interest? Couple small paintings on rock are considered as an attraction? The creek is completely dried up, and a few extremely boring trails that can only be accessed by driving through 10+ miles of unpaved road. BTW, the roads are so narrow that you need to drive with great caution to avoid hitting other cars.
Carlsbad Caverns National Park
Unless you find big caves and rocks overwhelmingly fascinating then skip this. Of all the national parks we have visited this is by far the most boring. A walk along dimly lite paths in a huge cave with rocks and pits and pools illuminated BFD. If you have never been inside a cave or seen a picture of a cave this might interest you, otherwise don’t waste your time, energy nor money.
Channel Islands National Park
Ferry turned to be best part of the trip! We saw seals and dolphins from very close. Once we arrived on the Island, fun factor dropped drastically. Island is filled of bird poop and smelled horrible with too many birds around. There is a 2 mile hike with beautiful views but the overall ambience with stinky smell kills the fun. No shed or pit stops to enjoy the hike. Before long, we were waiting for the ferry back!
Cuyahoga Valley National Park
Snakes along trail. Scary. Some parts of trail is very bumpy as well. Beautiful in some parts but snake ridden
Congaree National Park
It was a very chilly day. They need to spray for bugs. To many trees, they should consider removing all trees.
We hiked about 6 miles down the river walk and had to turn around. Freaking snake was sitting on a tree branch right by my head on the trail no joke. I only noticed it when it was a foot away. Thanks god it did not attack neither me nor my girlfriend that was following me. Not only that there are venomous spiders and some unknown flying insects that don’t look too friendly.
Crater Lake National Park
The concierge at my hotel and a few others were barking about how great “Crater Lake” is. I went on trip advisor and saw the reviews thinking this was a cant miss. Boy was I wrong. Let me break it down for you, its essentially a deep lake. Big whoop. I can only see maybe 10′ down and then its black so why do i care if its 12 feet deep or 12,000? Also, according to wikipedia its the 9th deepest lake in the world, so im essentially wasting my time. Wizard island was the biggest joke and waste of a time. Nothing even happens on that island that is remotely entertaining. After walking around for a bit wondering if there is anything else to do at this hole of water, I headed back to my car. On the way there I slipped and fell in what i can only imagine was animal droppings. I got it all over my boots, jeans and shirt. The smell emanating from the poo was atrocious. Luckily I had a duffle of clothes to change into. I left after maybe an hour and half of walking around. Do not drive out of your way for this hole of water.
Ok yes the water is very blue. And then also the water is quite blue, not to mention that the water is very blue.
OTT, mosciqitos ate the whole family alive, we left after 1 hour. The only thing we could have done was the trolley bus tour, but that was 2.5 h roundtrip. Boat tour would have cost the family 80$ total. Are you kidding??
I visited once with my dad when I was a kid, and having visited recently, it’s no wonder that it took 20 years for me to return.
Sure, sure. If you live in an area devoid of natural wonders, your mind will be blown. But here in the Pacific NW, where there is no shortage of such things, something has to be much more grand than blue water in a big hole.
Denali National Park
Couldn’t WAIT to see all the wildlife, saw 1 bear way in the distance and a couple of Dell Sheep that could have been dots of snow at the top of the hill. Total waste of time. It was a 6 hour tour and was so boring I fell asleep (along with half the others on the old bus) for a couple of hours. Didn’t even see a butterfly!
Death Valley National Park
Don’t waste your time!! I have lived in places ranging from by the ocean to the desert, and I have to say this is the ugliest place I have ever seen. Most deserts at least have some color to them, creating their own special beauty, not here, there is a bit of color near the entrance, and a tiny bit inside, otherwise… I paid $20 for nothing but nasty rock and salt, and It didn’t help that the trip started out by dealing with an oh so wonderful park ranger who had clearly spent too many hours in the 120 degree weather. I will admit, when you make it to badwater and see the sign for sea level, that’s pretty cool, but for me, that’s where it ended. You can find the exact same things in other places, and generally, they do it better. Being a Californian and paying up the wazoo for taxes and higher rates on my water because we don’t have any, I was especially happy to walk out, after my encounter with Mr. Park Ranger, and see what, NICE GREEN GRASS, in one of the hottest places on earth. I have no issues paying fees for national or state parks, but I could have done a lot better putting my money towards something else.
If you like the heat and barrenness landscapes…this park is for you!! But for I?, It’s not my cup of tea by any stretch of the means.
Dry Tortugas National Park
This is something you need not actually see, but would be better advised to read about it or watch a clip on YouTube. Hot HOT and HOTTER is all I can say. You get there and all you do is walk around and say wt heck are we doing here. It is an old prison and I felt like I was in prison, couldn’t wait to get on the 4 hour boat ride back to KW.
Everglades National Park
I was so excited to hit the trails early this morning! We drove all the way to flamingo recreation area and then got out to look around. We have never seen so many mosquitoes in our lives. We ran back to the car and tried the next trail even worse! No seriously attacked by hundreds and we were covered in bug spray. Then we tried the next loop trail and we were attacked by these huge flys ! So sorry to give one star but hey I guess that’s the Everglades. I don’t recommend bringing children here either. They may get carried away by the bugs.
If you’re interested in gigantic mosquitoes, heat, extreme humidity, bug/insect heaven, spontaneous thunder storms, swamp waters (everywhere), very few restaurants, restrooms, alligators, high prices. ..I could go on. Basically, if you’re in the marine/environmental biologies, you’ll find lots to explore. If you’re not, I’d definitely choose another place to explore.
Gateway Arch National Park
BORING!!! First off, the thing is ugly as sin. It looks like half of a McDonalds logo, or a giant urinal. The museum is only mildly amusing. You’d get the same museum experience, but better at the Missouri History Museum in Forest Park. And going up to the top of the Arch is the worst. There is nothing to see other than St. Louis’ ugly skyline which really looks like a generic skyline out of some cheap 80’s indie movie.
Nice tiny egg elevator, historic place, and fabulous museum. Saint Louis is very lonely city, relaxing and good places to enjoy.
It is the most recent and MOST BORING national park ever. It’s a giant metal arch built in the 1960s to celebrate a nickname for St Louis “Gateway to the West” from indeterminate time. You have a giant visitor’s center about arch construction. Snooze. You shell out $15 per adult to ride a metal car inside the arch to the top. You look out tiny windows with about 100 other people in a hot and crowded room. You ride down. oooh, fun! Pfaw.
Glacier National Park
Unless you hike and get to see the glaciers then I suppose this is a great park to visit BUT if you are going to drive from the west end to east [or the reverse of this direction] then brace yourself for somewhat of a downer experience. The turnouts are small and usually clogged by vehicles, leaving you with nowhere to park! Also, at the time of our visit, half of the road was closed due to snow! Well, there was no snow on the mountains and it being late June, it could not possibly have snowed there! Was there a UFO landing? Pretty fishy.
I could not get a signal. The food never even came, we waited for 30 minutes. I had to set up my tent in the rain. The river water wasn’t reverse osmosis purified. All of the fish that I caught in the lake didn’t even have seasoning on them. Smh would not recommend.
Grand Canyon National Park
Went to the Grand Canyon this past week and let me tell YOU it’s a big ole waste o time! There was dirt EVERYWHERE and the hiking trail was too long! Also where are the vending machines?? And no where to charge my phone! It’s way too deep to even see the bottom! The only thing that saved this trip where the crab enchilados we ate down the road at plaza Bonita, BEST MEXICO FOOD EVER! Grand Canyon more like grand blandyon
Whoopity do, Grand Canyon. You are a giant hole in the ground. You were caused be erosion. You don’t have roller coasters or dippin’ dots. Jeeesh. Can you say “overrated?”
The only reason to go to GCNP is to be see one of the Seven Wonders in the world. But after gazing the canyon for 3 minutes from the rim, you have seen it all.
No lift, no real chapel, no real movie theatre… You really know how to make a hole in the ground a hole in the ground don’t you Xanterra..~monopoly at its finest
worst trip of my life i went there thinking i would have a good time but i lost my pants there and it was to deep
Look, don’t get me wrong, the views were ok. However, I just find it unacceptable that in this day and age wifi was non-existent. I had lots of good photos but was unable to Snapchat them!
Guadalupe Mountains National Park
It’s better than Crater Lake NP, but not by much. If you want to jump out of your car and take a long, uninteresting hike, then you might enjoy it more than I did. Sure, El Capitan was pretty neat, but like Crater Lake, you stare at it for a few minutes and then move on. I honestly cannot understand how this gained NP status…
Haleakalā National Park
I have no idea why anyone would rave so much about this stupid crater. We woke up at 3:30 am and drove for 2.5 hours each way to watch something that looks better on google images While freezing to death. Do yourself a favor and just google “pretty sunrise” and save yourself the disappointment. I can see how hiking up during the night to see the sunrise would be a memorable experience, but if you’re planning on driving to the top, be prepared to get super frustrated behind very slow drivers. There’s a common saying “it’s not about the end goal but about the journey” but in this case the end goal was very underwhelming but the journey sucked even more. Mahalo!
Hawaii Volcanoes National Park
In its current state this place does not deserve to be called a national park. So little is even accessible, it makes the St. Louis arch (which for some reason is a national park now) look like Yosemite. My girlfriend and I were hoping to get some good hiking miles in and drive the scenic drives, but we couldn’t do any of that. You can basically take a little stroll around the visitor center and that’s it. Tons of reasons are offered for the closures of various things – the shutdown, toxic gases, volcano damage, and nene habitat. I definitely don’t buy all of that. Major disappointment.
Non-caring government workers ruined my vacation. Crater region was closed due to alleged instability and earthquakes. We stayed in Volcano Village for four days and felt no tremors. Staff too lazy to update website daily, so once or twice a week they post on Facebook bragging about how wonderful the other side of the park is or offering hope there might be a public lava viewing area set up in the disaster zone. No way that was ever close to happening. I had to spend a $1,000 for a boat tour to see lava. Facebook said rangers would be at the village Art Centerr and Hilo Discovery center; but when? What hours? All the time?
A lot of the park is still closed due to the recent volcanic activity on the island. I found the park to be a very depressing place, no nice scenery, just miles and miles of lava rock that has destroyed the land.
Hot Springs National Park
Maybe I’ve been to a lot of national parks and this has spoiled my tastes but this one didn’t seem even remotely impressive. It’s located in an urban area and although there are a handful of nature trails, if you’re an outdoor enthusiast, you’ll be disappointed. I also touched the water from the hot springs and it was too hot for me to keep my hands in it for longer than 3 seconds, so I can’t imagine what it would be like to bathe in it, esp on the sweltering Memorial Day weekend afternoon when I arrived. There’s also a tower on top of a hill that charges $8 per person and didn’t seem too imptessive, at least not enough to warrant paying $8 so i didn’t go up it.
Hot Springs National Park
The historical preservation is wonderful. However, the actual hot springs bath houses were something out of a horror film. The notion of so many people coming to bathe together in a steamy bath house with those who were ill with typhoid fever, syphillus, and other ailments, is unsettling. Combine that with electro hydrotherapy of yesteryear and it makes for a scary experience. Please note, the preservation is very good and the facility is very clean. The docents are very knowledgable and helpful. The film they show is VERY dated. It’s almost embarrassing that it is still used at a a National Park.
Joshua Tree National Park
What a rip off, 30$ to see bunch of rocks and cactus, how is the pass so high and yet people keep going, it really made my expectation high only to get disappointed, save urself the trip and go to San Bernardino forest if u r around the area. Probably more fun, unless u r a big cactus fan.
Inside the boundaries of Joshua Tree NP you will not find any of the amenities, such as restaurants or souvenir stands, that visitors would expect at other parks of national importance such as Six Flags or Disneyland. There is no cell service throughout most of the park, which is just bogus; how are you supposed to message anyone to tell them you’re in Joshua Tree? And if you try to find other ways to amuse yourself like any other normal person without internet access, like flying drones, spraypainting trees to shoot videos, or listening to music on your portable speakers, some buzzkill park ranger will come along and tell you that’s against some law. Why do they even sell those speakers at REI to begin with? And that’s in the west end of the park, with the climbers and hipsters. There’s nothing in the eastern part except coyotes and eagles and apparently some tortoises.
Desert, some flowers, some cactuses, some palm trees, but boring. Definitely not worth 30$.
Kenai Fjords National Park
Took a 5 hour boat tour of Resurrection Bay and the Fjords. Most boring 5 hours of my life! Half the boat was laying across seats sleeping! I can only assume that the others who wrote glowing reviews for this would be excited at watching grass grow because this tour was in line with that! My 80 year old father my brother 49 son 21 and myself 53 all could not wait to get off that boring boat ride! They told us once we got on the boat you rarely see whales or other sea life. Instead of spending $70 on this tour send me $35 and I’ll come over to your place and hit you up side the head with a 2×4!
Kings Canyon National Park
Kings Canyon Road is NOT for the faint hearted. This is one scary road, and there are NO guard rails or retaining walls. Too many sharp turns and the road is not well maintained. The drop-off is almost vertically at the side of the road, We turned back after about 2 miles. The scenery is not very good either. The foliage is all dead and brown, some area’s burned black. I imagine it looked pretty before the drought wasted everything. I’m not sure what the draw is to ths area. It looks like a desert.
Lassen Volcanic National Park
good views!! but the volcano was false I literally walked into the volcano!! three days later the smell won’t leave my Nostrils!!
Mammoth Cave National Park
My husband and I were looking forward to visiting Mammoth Cave for sometime. I made reservations online and purchased our tickets. The day arrived and we were on our way…about a 2 hour drive. As we entered the cave we were filled with much excitement. That lasted about the 189 steps it took to be in the cave. 4 miles of cement slabs, the snow ball cafe was a joke. The so called snow balls looked like a melting mess that had car exhust all over it. Not one formation until the end which was the Frozen Niagra and that wasn’t that great. 5 years ago we tried to take the tour but did not have reservations so we never got in. We wound up at Diamond Caverns. That’s the place you need to go, it was worth it! Very beautiful and just long enough not to be bored.
Just say no to caves! Took the Cleveland Tour. Basically it was 2 hours of sheer terror! It’s cold, dark, damp and stinky! Can’t believe there’s a fee to tour this cave!
Mesa Verde National Park
Mesa Verde National Park has been a huge disappointment now 2 years in a row. Every time we come here the Spruce Tree House has been closed to the public. The Ranger at the main entrance told us that it was open so we spent the $25 dollars to get in the park on June 7th 2019. When we got up there after driving 20 miles to it the information desk at the museum told us that it was closed due to potential rock slides that was the same excuse we got last year. My boyfriend has been here before but since I grew up in Los Angeles and are 20% native american it’s been something I’ve wanted to see and experience. But for $5 a person you can take a guided tour of other areas of the park.
Mount Rainier National Park
This place could destroy Seattle and cause a lot of destruction and chaos. 1 star. Not a fan.
Olympic National Park
Beautiful park, but the park service employees kept on making dumbing rules like how many friends we can have.
Petrified Forest National Park
I did a double take looking at the positive reviews of this place. Really?!!
It’s a long, unimpressive drive to an unimpressive place. We were shocked that this was a national park. It’s basically a desert with some dead trees. There were some pull outs that had a couple polished trees that were interesting, but not worth the drive. We found it amusing that we were instructed not to take any petrified wood. Then, there were multiple stores selling massive quantities of the petrified wood!
Once you get past the visitor center, you’ll be lucky if you see any petrified wood. I understand that it’s a defunct forest, but I at least expected to see petrified trees laying everywhere. We were hoping as we were driving that it would get better, but it doesn’t. It’s just desert…
Rocky Mountain National Park
drove a good deal of the way, then turned around when a panic attack set in. I have driven a lot of high switchbacks, but this road was created by people who hate people. No guard rails? why? Went to Bear Lake and kissed the flat ground.
Shenandoah National Park
Skyline Drive is 105 miles long. You literally drive 104.5 miles in the woods, with absolutely nothing to see. It’s woods no different then at your house. Yes there are overlooks, but like baby elephants, if you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. We got 55 miles in and had to get off because it was so boring to just ride on a windy road at 35 miles per hour. Breath taking? Maybe if you live in a desert.
Sequoia National Park
This place is dangerous. There are bears, mountain lions and worst of all, sketchy people. Hide your wives, hide your kids, hide your husbands, because they will come they your window. I have spent countless nights all over this park and i am never not disappointed. There are bugs and stuff, and they will bite you on your face. They are really hands off when it comes to tourism. They don’t even offer a helicopter tour. Do they not want to make money? Anyways if I could give this place zero stars I would, for the sole reason of only have two vending machines. I have checked the entire park. The Mt. Goddard recreation area has exactly 0 vending machines for at least a 5 mile radius, maybe more. You might not be surprised but there is no way to order a pizza either .
Theodore Roosevelt National Park
I guess we were looking for a National Park named after Theodore Roosevelt, instead we found one named after Marcel Ledbetter. No showers, paint peeling off most everything that’s painted, bathrooms although flush-able smell worse than vault toilets. As for animals, I think they haul the two buffalo around to different viewing points for the tourists to take pictures of. I hate to write reviews like this, but this park does not come close to most state parks when it comes to amenities
There once was a wealthy eastern kid who wanted to shoot a buffalo. He came here to do it. Years later, he was elected president. When he died, politicians wanted to name a park after him. They eventually decided on this location, as TR said that killing a buffalo here was really important to his career path. It helped that the government had bought a bunch of depleted farm land here from broke farmers during the Great Depression and weren’t sure what else to do with it. Does this sound like the backstory for a National Park, a jewel of our public lands programs, to you? Me neither.
White Sands National Park
Its just sand, we probably should have guessed what this was before we paid the money and drove in. We live near a big dune system and this was a big white dune system. Interesting to a degree but we were not excited by it.
Yellowstone National Park
i tried to park my smart car in the geysers, now my car is wet ???? very bad parking experience. there were a lot of furries too. kinda gross.
I would give it 0 starts if I could. I’ve traveled all across the States and this is by far the worst place I’ve been so far. I think it may have to do more with personal preference and values but here’s what’s up. So the park itself is nothing grand there’s mountains, trees, and lakes. Nothing too spectacular. The one thing that makes this place different from other parks is the geysers. I was extremely underwhelmed. They look SO much better in the pictures. If you want a similar look just boil a pot of water at home. Another issue is the lack of cell phone service there is little to absolutely no service. Wifi is available in SELECT areas of the park and for 24 hours of this slow service you have to pay 12 dollars. I mean come on, are you kidding me? 12 dollars??? The food here sucks. The hot lunches at my school are better and that in itself is just sad. I have refused to eat several times on this trip due to lack of variety and taste. If you do decide to come here for god knows what reason, please come with your friends NOT your family. You’re going to be stuck in a prehistoric world with nothing to do and annoying tourists left and right so you might as well come with people you like. Honestly though, save yourself some money and boil some water at home. Please.
Virgin Islands National Park
wasn’t allowed to shit in the water. very upset.
Yosemite National Park
This is the biggest scam of a national park I’ve ever witnessed. You have to pay $35 just to get In and then it’s an hour of driving before you get to anything worthwhile. The views on the drive up are the same as in the park. My family and I will NOT be returning to this disgrace of a national park anytime soon. Very disappointed
Bugs! Smokey air! Green stuff and dirt everywhere! The outside world is so terrible. I’d rather spend all of my days couped up in a glass box than go here again. If I were you, stay at the awanee and then get out of dodge. We didn’t even see any bears on our visit – how lame is that.
Utterly horrible place. No McDonalds on every corner, no casinos or pawn shops anywhere in sight. Trees block views and too many grey rocks. No concierge or valet parking. Just forget about this place…
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Wednesday 7th of April 2021
This was a delight to read. As a blogger myself, I didn't expect this. You expect the article to sing the praises of the place.
The concept is great; entertaining, irreverent, certainly unusual and so much fun.
Thank you for a creative read/
Tuesday 14th of January 2020
Hey, if people believe these reviews, we’ll, there’s more room for the rest of us!
Wednesday 15th of January 2020
Wednesday 27th of November 2019
O man! With some of the ridiculousness of these reviews, I can't help but wonder if they were written as satire...but even if they were, that still pulls down the overall star rating!
Wednesday 27th of November 2019
I am pretty sure about quarter of these reviews are satire but they are worth the laugh. I don't worry about the star rating of the parks. They are epic sights and the reviews on Trip Advisor and Yelp really don't matter.
Thursday 21st of February 2019
OMG! This is hilarious! Some of the comments are so ridiculous - too many trees, need to spray for bugs, all there is to see is mud and dirt, animals not showing up on cue -- you can't help but laugh and at the same time sad that they don't really understand Mother Nature and how our National Parks protects that for all.
Thursday 21st of February 2019
It is both funny and sad and I sometimes have no idea what to think about people.
Ryan K Biddulph
Wednesday 20th of February 2019
Posting a negative review in reaction to the Perfection of Nature is hysterical Jennifer....LOL worthy, really.
Thursday 21st of February 2019
I know, it seems so silly but people do it.